Designing an action plan against anxiety (8)

We will further explain the concept of systematic desensitization through direct experience. For example, suppose that you are a shy person in your social environment, which causes you a high degree of anxiety. For direct confrontation, you must start dealing with a situation that gives you little anxiety and gradually you increase it until you overcome it.

Let's take for example a person who is anxious or afraid to relate with others, especially when they are unknown people. This situation is causing you severe limitations and suffering in his life and he wants to apply the gradual desensitization techniques to overcome the problem. In this case, to lose the fear of social interaction, he can design an action plan consisting of the following stages:

• Stage 1: Establish an insignificant conversation with a stranger. Maybe in the street, in a doctor's office, no matter the place, just has to be your own initiative. 
• Stage 2: Establish that same conversation like the previous stage, but this time should be something more extensive, say 1 or 2 minutes more.
• Stage 3: This stage will consist of establishing a casual conversation in a social activity, whether in a party, a class or the workplace and of course, also with someone unknown. 
• Stage 4: Here you should hold a conversation like the previous one, with an unknown person, but this time it should take several minutes.
• Stage 5: This stage will consist of sharing with a group of people formed by a mixture of known and unknown. You should actively talk and participate in the group.
• Stage 6: In this step, you must meet a new person and try to become his or her friend. After several meetings you should invite him to dinner, take him for a walk or visit him. Anything that causes more mutual contact in a friendly relationship.
• Stage 7: This would be the last stage and will consist of finding a group of unknown people anywhere, engaging in an active conversation and joining the group as a regular member. This stage could take you several meetings with this same group until you completely integrate as one of its members.

As you can see, there is a huge difference between the first stage of simply meeting a stranger engaging in a short conversation and the seventh which is the experience of being self-introduced to a group of completely unknown people and become one of its members. This plan will be much more effective and bearable if one combines each stage with the practice of systematic desensitization through the relaxation and visualization exercises. It would be very convenient, before carrying out any action, to previously practice it and mentally visualizing oneself in total control of the situation.

As we have explained in previous articles, if in the direct confrontation one feels paralyzed by anxiety at any stage, he should go back to the previous stage and don't continue. Do not go ahead if you are experiencing restlessness or panic and continue practicing the previous stage. Only when you manage to completely overcome one stage, then and only then, you can move on to the next stage.

Of course, this has been just an example. You can design your own program to beat anxiety and apply it to any situation in life you want. The most important thing is to have an action plan designed to act and coordinate a strategy to win the battle against anxiety. And do not forget the simple exercise that we can do at any moment that we are confronted with a situation that worries us: several deep breaths, exhaling slowly, and moments of visualization in which we contemplate ourselves acting in total control of the situation.

This process of self-therapy requires strong will and a genuine desire to overcome that problem which causes us anxiety and affects our lives. We can achieve nothing with just a couple of attempts and then abandon the process. If we want to be in control of our emotions we need to plan and work on the project with perseverance, because the conditioning that has been affecting us and limiting our lives for so many years, is not supposed to be eradicated in two or three attempts.

As you persevere in the project and overcome different stages, you will feel great satisfaction to start mastering your own limitations and be in control of your life. That feeling of self-affirmation is extremely pleasant for anyone, but even more so for those who for years have suffered fears, panics and paralyzing experiences such as anxiety. The battle is well worth it.